'Cause Earle Had to Die!

This has been going through my head since the release of A Colossal Problem. The Fallout Version of Goodbye Earl.

Appalachia was a corrupt wasteland

Even in prewar days

In came Hornwright Mining, stealing their coal away

When the mine ran dry

Sykes blew it to ruble, trapping Earle inside

Mags looked all around the town, but her efforts were in vain

Well, it wasn't two weeks after he got buried that Earle started gettin' confused

He coughed on toxic gasses, and hot ashes

but it was the hunger that consumed

Well he finally got the nerve to eat his dead friend

Disgusted at his act of despair

Earle’s insatiable hunger would not slumber

Unnatural changes ensued

Twenty-seven years went by in Appalachia

Mags found an ear for her plight

Vlad launched a Nuke, and gathered a search party

Headed down into Monongah Mine

And it didn’t take ‘em long to decide

That Earle had to die, Goodbye Earle

Those forty fives, really hit home for me, Earle

You feeling weak? We aint afraid of that screech, Earle

Ain’t it dark? Cept for my Tesla Arc, Earle

They emerged when Earle was done in

What happened Mags needn’t know

Handed over to her something sentimental

Advised her to just let him go

Well, the weeks went by and spring turned to summer And summer faded into fall And it turns out Earle was a missing person who nobody missed at all

So Vlad went out to conquer the wasteland

Dogmeat walking by his side

He sells cranberry jam and delicious cram

And he don’t lose any sleep at night,

Cause Earle had to die, Goodbye Earle

Those forty fives, really hit home for me, Earle

You feeling weak? We ain’t afraid of that screech, Earle

Ain’t it dark? Cept for my Tesla Arc, Earl Hey

Ooh hey hey hey, ummm hey hey hey, hey hey hey